Potter The Homicidal Manic A HP JTHM thingy
by Nare Serce
Summary: ^_^ A brain fart from my hp fic. Follows the JTHM comic with HP twists and peoples^_^ I am evil...
1. Tramatize Thy Neighbor

I don own anything!!! Harry Potter stuff belongs to J K Rowling and everything I mean everything else is Jhonen Vasquez's ^_^ I am so odd...  
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Traumatize thy Neighbor  
  
Little Draco stands in the door way, clutching a stuffed Voldemort.  
"Mommy? I heard a noise."  
His mother is laying on her bed, her legs hanging off the side.  
"Mommy's ignoring you honey. Go bother your father, he's in his study."  
Draco walks down the hall, carrying the stuffed toy.  
"C'mon Voldie. Daddy will help us."  
Suddenly! A krash! Gasp! Little Draco cringes before continuing his quest for...uhhhh...not noises....yeah....  
"Daddy. I'm scared. I heard noises! Daddy?"  
Lucius sits at a desk. His back is turned...  
"Son, we just moved here. You're just not used to the sounds of our new manor. I'm busy right now. Working. That's all I seem to do now. I have to work to keep you alive. To feed you. I haven't smiled once since you were born. Go to sleep."  
Mini-Draco looks horrified. Feel bad for him.  
"But I caaan't! I don't have any curtains on my windows. And I feel like the mudbloods are watching me!! Please, Daddy, it's scary here. Voldie hears sounds."  
You see Lucius' computer. It says "No life". We know Lucius, we know....  
"Your presence tires me, go to your room and stay quiet, or the mudbloods will hear you."  
Chibi Draco holds up Voldemort.  
"But, Voldie..."  
"Go to sleep."  
Draco looks sad.  
Yes, daddy."  
Little Draco walks down the hall to his room, talking to Voldie.  
"Let's go to my room, Voldie. We'll hide under the blankets, and maybe we'll fall asleep before we die."  
He arrives at his bedroom.  
"Here we are, Vol...uh..." He finds that his window is broken. (It was a nice window...) "mommy."  
We hear another smashy noise and Draco turns around.  
"The bathroom Voldie."   
More noises...shufffling...Draco walks to the bathroom door. He stops to talk to Voldemort.  
"Let's be brave Voldie. We have to protect mommy and daddy. Huh? No, you're wrong, Voldie. They aren't bad wizards. They love me. They don't really mean it when they tell me to get kissed by a Dementor."  
He reaches for the door. Opening it he finds...Harry Potter! Squeezing butt cream.  
"Where the fuck is the bactine?"  
Our little Draco squeeks and Harry turns around.  
"Oh....hello. My name is Harry, but you can call me 'Rry' for short. And who might you be?"  
"Malfoy" the youngest squeeks  
"Malfoy, huh? Well, okay. I don't mean to intrude Malfoy, but where do you keep the bactine? Some of this blood is mine.Wait, I found it. Yeah, that's it."  
Bactine is poured on an injured head.  
"Damn! That one really put up a struggle!! Scraped me up like pixie on crack!! Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the tought of thier impending death. I see, by the looks of you, that you understand."  
Harry looks menecing. He smiles big. Draco looks traumatized. Harry see Voldemort.  
"Hey! Who's your friend, there?"  
Chibi Draco points at the plushy.  
"Um...that's Voldie"  
Harry grins all demented like and picks the toy up.  
"Well, hello there, Voldie! Nice to meet you!! I am Rry. So, you're Malfoy's little friend huh? Weeeell, you certainly are a cute little wizard-y! Yes you are!! Yeeeesss you are!!"  
Draco timidly goes "Hee! Hee!"  
Harry looks at the bear...Draco looks happy-ish.  
"Hmm? What's that, Voldie? Mm, hmm. Yeeess. Hmm? Yeah, really? Uh, huh. Okaay. What? Hmm." He becomes mad and violent. Gasp! It's scary!! "Well fuck you Mr. Dark Lord!!! You speak lies!!! Liiiies!!!" Draco looks traumatized again. "Stuffed with pure venom, you vile, lint infested bastard!!"  
Harry holds Voldemort against the wall...such violence!!  
"How many more, like you are there?!! How Many more?!!! You can't even imagine the things I've endured!! And always at the hands of shit like you!!! You don't know the truth!!!"  
He stabs the poor, defenceless toy. "Lint" flies everywhere Harry looks at the blade to see lint on it.   
"Oh....um.."  
He hands the still traumatized little Draco a slashed up Voldemort. He then walks away. Harry walks away...not Voldie...  
"It's getting late. I should go now. I'm so awake, I need to be out. C'mon, you can walk me out."  
He inspects the broken window in Draco's room.  
"Hey. sorry about the window, but I noticed that it was hexed. I don't suggest you ever hex it again. Well...later, and thanks for the disinfectant. It's been nice talking." He jumps on to the window sill "But we'll have plenty of time for that, after all..." Harryleaned forward. He smiled evilly. "We're neighbors now."  
"MOMMY! DADDY!!"  
"I don't hear you honey."  
"You ruined my LIFE!!!"  
Mini Draco lays in his bed, traumatized, staring at the broken window.  
THE END  
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It is my opinion that if Jhonen or Rowling ever read this, they would team up, fly to my cardboard box, and kill me. ^_^ Kewl!!!  
Next up: A Survey in Hell  
^_^ I am so twisted. 


	2. Wobbly Headed Hermione

I own nothing, not the plot (Jhonen's), not the characters (Rowling's) ...NOTHING!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus I haveth no moneyth, so doth not sueth. ^_^'  
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She didn't ask to be, but she is.... WOBBLY HEADED HERMIONE  
  
Hermoine sobs.  
"Sob sniff sob ssssssssob sniff so........b sniff"  
She sighs, harshly!   
"OH, oh why must I endure this pain!? Such unfathomable sorrow! My mind ravaged by relentless and ghostly truths!! Sob. Cursed with an abnormally vast perception of this creul reality. Trudging through levels of intense spells that no small minded muggle could withstand!! So it is no surprise that, most of all, there is pain in superiority. I suffer....sob...because I am better."  
Gets that angsty look that says, why me?  
"Why me!!? Why was I chosen to be the vessel for such agonizing knowledge? I never asked to be this superior being!!! Oooh!! So why me!!! WHYYYY!? WWWHY!? WHHHHY?"  
Neville runs all happy and "Wheee!"-y.  
"How I envy those blessed with a stunning ignorance of the truth. sigh. oh...to be truly happy! To be a squib."  
Ickle doggy-kins walks up all...woofy...  
"Well, hello, little dog. What are you doing out here? It's dangerous out here in this road. You shold be more careful, you cute, simple minded little creature."  
"Woof!"  
Picks the woofy doggy-kins of doom up.  
"Come, I shall carry you to a safer place to live out the rest of your sad, sad life. But from there on, youre on your own. But aren't we all?"  
Carries the dog of doom, still talking. Hermione I mean, not the dog. Idiot!  
"You know we are aot alike, you and I. Both suffering amoung the throngs of muggles in this callous world."  
Mione sets the dog down, it woofs.  
"Okay here you are. I'll just enjoy this beautiful sunset before I go. Remember, dog, beauty is ephermal, pain is forever. You've made me smile!! Thank you!! Now, farewell! Live long and suffer few curses, my friend!!"  
Trauma! The cliff goes KRAACK!! . The doogy-kins falls, Hermione sighs. I think she's sad...  
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Ahem, anyways, sorry this took so long, but it's hard to sit here and write out a COMIC with HP charries...I'll try to be faster, I swear!  
Next up: A Survey in Hell Oh, God....this is going to take forever....*sighs* oh well.....  
Be afraid, be very afraid... 


End file.
